Awesome.
Awesome awesome awesome.
I should probably tell you why it's awesome. But I'm not going to. Just, it's awesome.
Like, totally awesome.
So awesome that you'll be bitterly disappointed it didn't actually happen in real life.
Buon giorno!
Awesome.
Sunday 23 August 2009
Thursday 20 August 2009
I am going to make you very unhappy....
Deary me.
Went to the cinema tonight with the intention of seeing Inglourious Basterds. Several people had bigged it up enough that I was actually really fucking excited, only for both the remaining screenings of it to be full. The cry of "Basterds!" is cliched yet honest.
Ended up going to see GI Joe instead. Honestly, it's one of the worst films I've seen in a long time but at the same time regains its utter ridiculous hilarity that I actually enjoyed it. A bit. Whoever wrote the script deserves an Oscar, with such gems as "Mr President, the French are upset." and Christopher Eccleston, sporting a terrible Scottish accent, trying to sound threatening by addressing Channing Tatum (a John Cena lookalike with all the acting ability of Keanu Reeves, and is apparently a professional dancer) with, "I am going to make you very unhappy!" before getting his face burnt off because he and Channing crossed the streams or something, like a terribly CGI'd Bill Murray and Dan Ackroyd.
But wait, more! There was the dead-brother-or-not-so-dead-but-actually-evil-genius-in-the-background-with-the-face-hidden-that-you-just-know-plays-a-bigger-part-than-just-being-a-creepy-fucker, played by the guy from Brick. No, not Brick Tamland, though that would've been fucking hilarious. To be honest I think the guy from Brick may as well be as retarded as Brick Tamland for taking a role in a terrible movie, where his actual face is seen for approximately 2 minutes.
Also, the basterd that played Imotep in the Mummy was in it and ended up as President cause he changed his face due to an injection of nanomites (don't ask). I can't actually remember if he had a proper line of dialogue or he just spent the movie whistling "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow", but the fact of the matter is, I'm fucking whistling it now.
Funnier still was at the end when Eccleston gets his face burnt off he suddenly turns into a cowering wreck, and Brick gives him a metal face and calls him something, before sticking on a mask, calling himself Commander, and totally making Eccleston his bitch. I can only imagine that Commander and whatever-the-fuck-Eccleston-was-called are established characters in the action figure, er, franchise, that they had to stick in the film via any plot contrivance whatsoever. Of course, we then get Brick and Doctor Who facing up against Pretty Boy Floyd* for an epic battle at the end, only for the latter to pull a dick move and reveal the masses of ships that were cunningly hidden behind him, and get this - we don't even get a scene of Brick shitting a brick or Doctor Who going "Fantastic!" with metallic sarcasm, it just straight cuts to the two douchebags in captivity, or what I assume is captivity - it looks like they just stand on platforms as a large cone descends on them.
This movie also seemed to have everyone in living memory starring in it. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but seriously - Brendan Fraser turned up for two minutes as a sergeant who overlooks training, with such memorable dialogue as "good shot!" and "next one!", before disappearing without any explanation who he is, or why the fuck the role required Brendan Fraser. Still, his enthusiastic reaction to a particularly fierce takedown was probably the best acting in the entire film.
One upside was the ginger lass was pretty hot, though she's not actually ginger and was recently seen being green and molested by Captain Kirk.
* I'd seen Channing Tatum recently in Public Enemies, although Michael Mann seems to have taken into account his acting ability and put him in a suitably sized role - he's in it for two minutes then gets shot to fuck by Batman.
On the music front, I tried to start listening to Placebo, but only found two songs that I liked - "Nancy Boy" and "Pure Morning".
Went to see U2 last night, was up in the heavens of Hampden (that means right up in the fucking huge stand.... the cheap seats, for anyone not getting the hint). Was a really good gig, the lovely buggers played Elevation and Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, my two favourite songs of theirs, back to back. Funny moment was when the sound just completely fucking died during Walk On, leaving the band performing to an increasingly hostile audience, before it all kicked back in after two minutes.
Muse's new songs are, er, something; Matt Bellamy's description of the new album as "quite classical" seemed slightly appropriate for the horribly named "United States of Eurasia", starting with piano and strings, before (I assume) they took bets on how much they could make the song sound like Queen without actually singing "Scaramouche, scaramouche, can you do the fandango?" About a week afterwards, another new song went online, but far from being classical, it sounds like they've tried to innovate by combining Womanizer with the Doctor Who theme. Still, it was better than Euray-SHA-SHA-SHA-SHA. Fucking seriously.
Also, Amy Adams is 35? Like, what the fuck? If she was from Paisley she'd be old enough to be my mum. That makes for some incredibly twisted thoughts....
Ciao for now.
Went to the cinema tonight with the intention of seeing Inglourious Basterds. Several people had bigged it up enough that I was actually really fucking excited, only for both the remaining screenings of it to be full. The cry of "Basterds!" is cliched yet honest.
Ended up going to see GI Joe instead. Honestly, it's one of the worst films I've seen in a long time but at the same time regains its utter ridiculous hilarity that I actually enjoyed it. A bit. Whoever wrote the script deserves an Oscar, with such gems as "Mr President, the French are upset." and Christopher Eccleston, sporting a terrible Scottish accent, trying to sound threatening by addressing Channing Tatum (a John Cena lookalike with all the acting ability of Keanu Reeves, and is apparently a professional dancer) with, "I am going to make you very unhappy!" before getting his face burnt off because he and Channing crossed the streams or something, like a terribly CGI'd Bill Murray and Dan Ackroyd.
But wait, more! There was the dead-brother-or-not-so-dead-but-actually-evil-genius-in-the-background-with-the-face-hidden-that-you-just-know-plays-a-bigger-part-than-just-being-a-creepy-fucker, played by the guy from Brick. No, not Brick Tamland, though that would've been fucking hilarious. To be honest I think the guy from Brick may as well be as retarded as Brick Tamland for taking a role in a terrible movie, where his actual face is seen for approximately 2 minutes.
Also, the basterd that played Imotep in the Mummy was in it and ended up as President cause he changed his face due to an injection of nanomites (don't ask). I can't actually remember if he had a proper line of dialogue or he just spent the movie whistling "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow", but the fact of the matter is, I'm fucking whistling it now.
Funnier still was at the end when Eccleston gets his face burnt off he suddenly turns into a cowering wreck, and Brick gives him a metal face and calls him something, before sticking on a mask, calling himself Commander, and totally making Eccleston his bitch. I can only imagine that Commander and whatever-the-fuck-Eccleston-was-called are established characters in the action figure, er, franchise, that they had to stick in the film via any plot contrivance whatsoever. Of course, we then get Brick and Doctor Who facing up against Pretty Boy Floyd* for an epic battle at the end, only for the latter to pull a dick move and reveal the masses of ships that were cunningly hidden behind him, and get this - we don't even get a scene of Brick shitting a brick or Doctor Who going "Fantastic!" with metallic sarcasm, it just straight cuts to the two douchebags in captivity, or what I assume is captivity - it looks like they just stand on platforms as a large cone descends on them.
This movie also seemed to have everyone in living memory starring in it. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but seriously - Brendan Fraser turned up for two minutes as a sergeant who overlooks training, with such memorable dialogue as "good shot!" and "next one!", before disappearing without any explanation who he is, or why the fuck the role required Brendan Fraser. Still, his enthusiastic reaction to a particularly fierce takedown was probably the best acting in the entire film.
One upside was the ginger lass was pretty hot, though she's not actually ginger and was recently seen being green and molested by Captain Kirk.
* I'd seen Channing Tatum recently in Public Enemies, although Michael Mann seems to have taken into account his acting ability and put him in a suitably sized role - he's in it for two minutes then gets shot to fuck by Batman.
On the music front, I tried to start listening to Placebo, but only found two songs that I liked - "Nancy Boy" and "Pure Morning".
Went to see U2 last night, was up in the heavens of Hampden (that means right up in the fucking huge stand.... the cheap seats, for anyone not getting the hint). Was a really good gig, the lovely buggers played Elevation and Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, my two favourite songs of theirs, back to back. Funny moment was when the sound just completely fucking died during Walk On, leaving the band performing to an increasingly hostile audience, before it all kicked back in after two minutes.
Muse's new songs are, er, something; Matt Bellamy's description of the new album as "quite classical" seemed slightly appropriate for the horribly named "United States of Eurasia", starting with piano and strings, before (I assume) they took bets on how much they could make the song sound like Queen without actually singing "Scaramouche, scaramouche, can you do the fandango?" About a week afterwards, another new song went online, but far from being classical, it sounds like they've tried to innovate by combining Womanizer with the Doctor Who theme. Still, it was better than Euray-SHA-SHA-SHA-SHA. Fucking seriously.
Also, Amy Adams is 35? Like, what the fuck? If she was from Paisley she'd be old enough to be my mum. That makes for some incredibly twisted thoughts....
Ciao for now.
Friday 7 August 2009
"Ferris Bueller, you're my hero."
John Hughes died today. Well, yesterday - I'm glad he didn't die today, because it's my birthday today. But anyway, sad times - the Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller are both incredible movies, and though he only wrote it, so is Home Alone. He's been an influence on me in my script writing, or at least, bits of it - I've started writing a script about a bunch of guys going into school the day after a party and it's basically just recalling the night before. Imagine if Hughes had directed the Hangover. I guess you could say he's influenced another script-in-progress of mine as well, in that the protagonist talks to the camera like Ferris Bueller, but I really credit that more to High Fidelity for the inspiration. In fact, this script could be the adopted lovechild of High Fidelity and John Hughes, if only, y'know, screenplays could conceive.
RIP.
RIP.
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